Hi, I’m Kristen and I’m a recovered control addict.
You hear me say I’m a planner all the time, but what you might not know is that that is my nice way of saying I used to be a control addict.
I remember I was in high school when I discovered it. I definitely ignored the severity of it for a few years. Until it became super evident that it was impacting my relationship with God. I didn’t want to give up all the control I had gained. God was explicitly telling me I had to give up my control to Him and I kept on saying, no. WHO TELLS GOD NO?— A control addict, duh!
He had to completely flip my life upside down and turn my world inside out for me to finally give it up. It was painful. It was heartbreaking. It’s a story that would take me way too long to tell. When I think back, I know it would have been so much easier to just let God have control from the beginning, but I am thankful that all the alters I had made in regard to my control had been torn down. When I finally laid my control at God’s feet in utter surrender and felt that my bondage of control had been broken, I was surprised to learn that I was suddenly now afraid to tighten my grip on anything. I became indecisive and immobile.
I went from one extreme (controlling every aspect of my life) to the other (having zero control of anything). I know God was probably shaking His head daily. One day, I was presented with an opportunity to transfer departments at Star. It was a really tough decision that I was struggling to give a definitive answer on. While I was playing Bible roulette (when you ask God to speak to you and then open your Bible and turn to a random page), I opened up Romans 12:2 NIV, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” I was in awe because I kept praying for God’s will in making a decision that stunted my ability to move on my own. I believe that God gave me this verse to let me know that if I spend my time in His word, praying, renewing my mind, focusing on Him, I will naturally be able to figure out what His will is for me. It’s like your spouse or your kids. You spend so much of your time with them and get to know them so well, that if you decide to stop at the drive-through, for instance, you don’t have to call to inquire about what they would like because you know what they’re going to want intuitively.
With God, it’s deeper than that. Yes, of course, you still have to pray and talk with Him about decisions, but you don’t have to be immobile like I was. There is freedom in knowing that if you let God have control, He’s going to lead you down the best path in life— the path filled with His blessings and growth. There is freedom in knowing that you don’t have to sit around like a rock afraid to make the wrong move.
You can trust that God has the very best in mind for you, and you can trust that the more time you spend with Him, the better you will be able to understand what His will is for you. So… whether you are a recovering control addict, or are recovering from being completely idle, I get it. I’ve been there. But I also know, with certainty and experience, that God has good things for you.
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