One summer while on vacation in San Diego, we toured the USS Midway aircraft carrier. As we walked through the many levels of the ship, we came to the mess hall. What caught my eye was the fact that there was one table, immaculately set up, with a white tablecloth, a single red rose, shining silverware and a gleaming plate, with a solitary empty chair. The table symbolizes fallen or missing comrades in arms. It was a powerful illustration of the care and concern that our military has for those missing in action.
As many of you know, and some all too recently, the pain of the many “firsts” that come with the passing of a loved one. The first holiday, anniversary, and birthday, to name a few. It is most apparent if your loved one had a favorite place at the table.
The holiday season accentuates the bittersweet reminder of those empty chairs around the dining room table.
It was 1990, the same year the adoption of our daughter from Chicago became a reality. Unfortunately, my dad died a few weeks before our daughter was born. He would have loved to have met her. Our first Christmas without him at the table was hard.
This past spring one of my life-long friends passed away. It’s been hard for all who knew him. Jayne, my wife and I are keeping in touch with his widow as she is experiencing the grief and loss that comes with his death.
My cousin and her husband lost their 17-year-old son in a tragic car accident. She expressed to me that it is a “club” that no one ever signs up for, but when it happens, a surprising number of people who experienced similar loss come out of the woodwork to help, to pray, and to listen in a way that the rest of us cannot.
If this is your first holiday season without your spouse, sibling or friend be prepared to feel the pain in extra measures. If you have recently lost a child, I have no words that express your pain adequately. I grieve with you as best as I can, but you are in a special category that only those of you who have gone through this loss understand.
Every first is hard, but none harder than during the holidays. It feels like everyone around you has moved on and forgotten them and you. It’s more than likely not true, but it is easy to feel that way, and honestly you need to “feel what you feel.” This really is a part of the healing process.
Why am I sharing this with you today?
I want to ask those of you who have lost loved ones in recent days to share with us, how we can help you or others this holiday season? What do you want or need from us? What helped you during this time of year?
Yes, we will pray, but how can we “be the friend who sticks closer than a brother” to you?
Thank you in advance for your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and encouragements. You are not invisible but help us to see you this holiday season. We are listening.
Dick Whitworth
Director of Operations, STAR 99.1
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Amen, you are amazing to share this with everyone because it’s quite difficult getting through the holidays without the one’s you love!
May you and your family be blessed this holiday season with love, peace and joy!
Fortune
Fortune,
Thank you for your kind words! May you and your family also be blessed this Thanksgiving season.
Thank you for listening to STAR 99.1 and for responding to this post. God’s best to you and yours.
Sincerely,
Dick Whitworth
Thank you for sharing, Dick. This season is a rough one for me, but GOD has plans for all who are hurting. I came from a family of four, which is now one. There was a season where every two to three years I was losing a parent or brother. With the latest loss going to be 2 years on New Year’s Day. As I see everyone around me enjoying their parents and siblings, it’s a sad reminder I will never experience that again BUT then I am quickly reminded of all the beautiful memories we made that bring me JOY. I believe healing is all about balance. So yes, we can be sad and have JOY in our hearts at the same time. Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, a joyful heart is good medicine.
I want to encourage you today. When your pain gets the best of you, know that GOD is greater. Know that this storm, that has knocked you down, will be the same storm that makes you stronger. Know who GOD is. HE is LOVE. HE is JOY. HE will never leave you. This is how I found my balance.
Lord, please surround all who are hurting with your love, peace and comfort this holiday season. Help them find their joy and balance in YOU. In Jesus name, Amen.
Beautiful article, and comments. Thank you all for sharing.
Heidi,
Thank you for sharing with us today!
My heart goes out to you as I know that you’ve had several years of loss. I pray that the Lord’s peace and presence will be abundantly real to you throughout this entire holiday season.
Healing is about balance, isn’t it!? That’s a great thought and I appreciate you sharing it with us. The apostle Paul says, we ALL grieve, but we grieve with hope, that in the Lord that we will see our loved ones again.
You are a VITAL member of the STAR Team. Thank you for all that you do, and most importantly, for who you are! We are blessed to have you on the Team!
God’s best to you!
Dick Whitworth
Thank you for the article. I lost my Mom last October and think about her every day. Someone told me the best way to keep your Moms spirit alive is to live as she lived. My Mother was a giving, caring and sharing person. I plan on continuing that legacy with my kids and my grandkids. Thank you very much.
Chris,
Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement; plus, words of wisdom.
I am sorry for your loss. I trust that you know of our love and support. Also, please know that the Lord is close to the broken hearted, so He is close to you.
I love how you are going to keep your mom’s legacy alive.
God’s best to you this holiday season. Thank you again for sharing with us.
Dick Whitworth
In Jesus name! Amen!
Thank you for this perspective and I dare say that those going through a divorce should also be included in this. When you are with family for a time and then the rest of the holiday is silence as the house is now empty and you are alone, that’s just as tough. I would imagine that this is the same feeling as those that have lost a loved one. While blessed to have not gone through the loss of a loved one, I have been through divorce and it’s not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
How can STAR 99.1 help, great thought provoking question! The encouraging words and songs we hear on air are part of it. A card in the mail when not expecting anything but bills and bad news or sometimes just a phone call to talk and see how their day is going can lift someone’s outlook. Holidays without loved ones are hard enough when loved ones have passed, but knowing they are a few blocks away or a few towns away with family and you’re by yourself, that hurts just as bad.
Michael,
You are absolutely correct in that people who are dealing with loss through divorce should be recognized as well as those whose loved ones have died. Divorce is a death, of sorts, and equally as painful. My pastor used to say that God “hates divorce” for what it does to the people who have to go through it! To be clear, He does not hate divorced people, He hates what it does to all involved.
Thank you again for bringing this important truth to light. Being alone, for whatever reason, is painful.
Thanks also for your suggestions to reach out through a card, email, or visit. I’m reminded that God is with the broken-hearted, but it’s also nice to be remembered and to be with people.
Michael – I pray that you feel His presence this holiday season and that you find a way to be with friends and family, as time and opportunity allow.
God bless you! And thank you again for sharing.
Dick Whitworth